It's all a joke until someone gets serious

Don't you hate it when a joke becomes the basis of a serious conversation?

I've been having horrible pains and cramps today which have been making me feel pretty shitty.
Master has been so... sweet about making sure I feel as well as I can (not that I think he would like being called "sweet" not my big strong Master!)

I was joking around (and he knew it was a joke) saying I need to get a booty call to someone to come and rub away the cramps... and then the joke stopped and the serious conversation began.

If I had someone (I think he was specifically thinking of a man) rubbing my tummy and legs and cramp places, he described exactly what would happen for that... bound tight enough to cause bruises, my ass beat until it bleeds, then wrap his hand around my neck and beat my tits until they also bleed.

Then he'd untie me, sit me down, explain how I hurt him and how he feels... and then he would just walk away.

The entire conversation I just wanted to be sick.
I wanted to be sorry for something I hadnt done... and will never do.
I wanted to crawl into a ball and just cry.
I wanted to hold onto his leg and not let go.
I wanted the conversation to just be erased and not to think about anything bad happening.

Not even a week in... and the thought of loosing him, the thought of pushing him away has me a wreck.
And that's scary.
I thought this trial period would have a "honeymoon and getting to know you" time, then get into him taking my head and heart and soul.

Goes to show how much I know! Goes to show how much control I've had to have over my own life! I'd planned my interaction with my new Owner! D'oh.

I think my reaction to all this has just removed another link in my chain and has drawn me even closer to him. My head is so full of him I write little stories about us... little lists of things he says that I love.
My heart is being tangled up in his will and soon I wont be able to tell whats his and whats mine.
My soul... well.. I dont really know about that... I think he keeps brushing against it and soon he'll just be able to pull it right out.

I can't wait.