"Feelings, nothing more than feelings"

I've looked at the blank screen for over 30 minutes.
I dont know what to say. Or rather, I dont know how to word it. I dont know how to really explain how I'm feeling.

My cunt tingles and throbs at things my head revolts and fights against.
Things like: objectification, pregnancy, loss of identity, slavery.

My body shouldn't react like that. I shouldn't want these things. Secretly or not.

I love sex. Pleasure. Sensuality. Sensations. I've never had hangups about my sexual tastes. Never felt... alternative and deviant about the lifestyle I live and enjoy.
Maybe because I see what I do as the more "softcore" version of the whole BDSM thing. So then anything above that is the "real" deviant and hardcore sexuality.

Creepily enough, Master told me that his darkest fantasy would be to have me naked and chained in his basement. No windows. No light. No clocks. Just him using me when he has need of me.
I honestly thought he'd read yesterdays blog and was teasing me with the "forbidden" but he hadnt seen my blog.

It was hard enough battling against my head and my cunt... but he was using me and my body was simmering and burning for him. So it washed over me. It wormed its away into my head and sat their, like a little dark shadow.

Later on in the evening, Master had need of me again and I was riding the edge of cumming for so long. I needed something. Something more. Something darker. Then like floating black silk that idea came back. And wouldnt leave. And I needed it so badly.

I have never felt so humiliated.

Asking and begging him to tell me things that I know... that he knows.... frightens me.

When ever I've been called "slut" I've never questioned it. The things I will do for his pleasure and my pleasure class me as being slutty - and therefore a slut - in the dictionary in my head.

But I think wanting and physically craving what scares me really does make me a slut.